February 2012
1 tag
At the midnight premiere.
Employee at theater: Um, ma'am you can't enter the theater with those arrows.
Me: And why not?
Employee: Because it's a danger to everyone else. You could accidentally hurt someone.
Me: Do you know who I am?
Employee: Um -
Me: DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM? I AM KATNISS FREAKING EVERDEEN.
Employee: I don't care who you are, you can't take those in.
Me: FIRE IS CATCHING!
Employee: But -
Me: AND IF WE BURN
Employee: Wh -
Me: YOU BURN WITH US.
Employee:
Me: Don't make me use these arrows.
1 tag
1 tag
1 tag
1 tag
1 tag
2 tags
If unborn babies are people:
phenthouse:
Soon to be parents can claim an additional dependent on their taxes.
Pregnant women working full time would break child labor laws.
3 words: Children Eat Free!
Pregnant women can drive in HOV lanes.
Sex with a pregnant chick is pedophilia and breaking & entering. (“Get outa ma house!”)
“No entry to this NC-17 movie for you, lady.”
3 tags
1 tag
1 tag
fallingintothedenouement:
fallingintothedenouement:
so we had 3 bottles of shampoo and 0 bottles of conditioner
then mum came home excited that she bought ten bottles of conditioner on sale
it turns out she bought shampoo
now we have 13 bottles of shampoo
and 0 bottles of conditioner
here’s another fun little tidbit
the shampoo she bought is for premium blonde to sand dune coloured...
1 tag
1 tag
1 tag
1 tag
1 tag
2 tags
Which 3 words would you rather hear? Put a | next...
I'm the Doctor: ||||||||||||
Yer a wizard: ||||||
I'm Sherlock Holmes: |||||||||
Pick your starter: |||||
SBurb is downloading: ||||||||||||||
I love you: ||||
Take you as my Padawan, I will: |
1 tag
1 tag
1 tag
1 tag
2 tags
When you stretch in class and your inner porn star...
1 tag
1 tag
1 tag
2 tags
1 tag
1 tag
2 tags
wwiao:
this girl at my school gave a presentation and the assignment was to prepare a speech speaking out against human rights violations and she chose her topic to be “same sex marriage” and started off by saying “first of all, same sex marriage is gross” well she had me convinced
2 tags
1 tag
1 tag
1 tag
1 tag
I'll be up all night.
No big deal.
1 tag
1 tag
2 tags
notmusa:
what if your farts sounded like screams
I genuinely can’t breathe thinking about this. I am dying.
skyl:
*ruins the relationship by cheating on...
1 tag
WatchI don’t know why she’s so appalled. This is something I would have done on purpose.
3 tags
Couldn't have fucking said it better myself. Thank... →
2 tags
2 tags
1 tag
1 tag
Things I just realized while watching HIMYM.
S5E12, when they were talking about their last cigarettes, Ted said Marshall’s last cigarette would be after his son was born. His son. Which completely ruins the episode last season all about WHAT’S THE SEX OF THE BABY!?!
Silly people. We knew it was a boy two seasons early.
1 tag
2 tags
I'm not doing this to be passive aggressive. I'm...
I can’t stop crying.
I can’t feel anything but sad.
I can’t even feel that, really.
I want to leave campus. I want to leave Bloomington. I want to leave.
I want to go far away and never have to face any of this and act like none of it ever happened. Or at least, that none of this happened for nothing.
That it was worth it.
That I deserved this.
